Column: The fine of misery – The fine art low self-esteem: How low can you go?

By: Kristin L. Roush, Ph.D., Guest Columnist

This series is intended to be a spoof, a light­hearted invitation to look at how we sometimes create our own misery. It is by no means intended to be disrespectful or mini­mizing of anyone’s true pain, particularly regard­ing depression and anxiety.

OK, here’s the thing. If you truly aspire to a miserable life, you must begin here. Low self-esteem is at the very core of misery. You must perfect an absolute commitment to self-loathing. You do this by taking advantage of three powerful tools:

1) grow up in the American culture,

2) create a belief system, complete with attitudes and auto­matic thoughts, that is devoted to negativ­ity and cynicism (see last month’s column, Stinking Thinking: The Sweet Smell of Successful Misery, and

3) stay as far away from spirituality as you can get (organized reli­gion might be just fine; use your judgment on this – no pun intended).

Low Self-Esteem: Your American Culture at Work

If you happen to be raised in the American culture, you enjoy a distinct advantage over others from more tolerant societies. In American culture, we have very narrow parameters for what are considered attrac­tive qualities.

The entire cul­ture is set up to pro­gram you for low self-esteem. You have to have just the right body type, the right skin color, the right age, the right gender, the right religion, the right sexuality, and have the right type of education. You must have the right values, be raised on the right side of the tracks, by the right parents, and have the right bank balance.

Otherwise, “you ain’t from ‘round these parts” and you are viewed with sus­picion just because you are different. So few people can meet these criteria, a miser­able low self-esteem is almost guaranteed for most of the US popu­lation. And that’s even before your dysfunc­tional parents have a shot at you!

I’m Not OK, You’re Not OK, Nobody’s OK, Nothing’s OK, Nowhere, Never

It is important to develop a pretty comprehensive belief system that the world is awful and that you hold the distinction of being the armpit of the world. Again, your core beliefs are essen­tial here.

You are innately inferior, you do not matter, you have no purpose, you are a mistake, you have nothing to contribute to the world, you are a loser and you deserve to be all alone as a social outcast.

Focus on your specific physical flaws and then your obnox­ious personality traits. You are too fat, too thin, too hairy, too wrinkly, too bald, and too short. You are not smart enough, not popular enough, not nice enough, not healthy enough, not mature enough, not good… enough.

Mouse Vision, Not Eagle Vision

“A person wrapped up in oneself makes a very small pack­age.” Be self-absorbed. Remember that you are all alone in the uni­verse, separate from the rest of us.

Stay away from all things spiritual. I define spirituality as the belief that there might be something bigger than me in the world. A quick look in the bathroom mirror will confirm this, so beware when you enter all bathrooms.

Be particularly wary of any spiritual belief system that insists that you are a child of God. I can’t think of a single more powerful destructive force that will oblit­erate low self-esteem faster than the belief that God knows you and loves you and that there is a divine plan in which you play a signif­icant role. Spirituality is kryptonite to the person determined to be miserable.

Remember, if you somehow start to feel like you matter, that you like yourself, there are a few quick things you can do. Watch a few TV com­mercials advertis­ing beauty products. Drive yourself over to the “right side of the tracks” in your town and compare yourself to those people.

Put yourself into the middle of a huge crowd of people and just feel your invis­ible insignificance. Above all, don’t con­template the miracle of the butterfly or the expansiveness of a star-filled night sky, or the Perfection of synchronicity and coincidences.

Eleanor Roosevelt was said to have observed, “No one can make you feel bad about yourself without your permission.”

So, go ahead. Give yourself permission to stay in your belief that you are not worthy. Besides, what in the world would you do with yourself if you were happy?

For more stories, wisdom, free therapy, and otherwise other unsolicited advice, see Dr. Roush’s self-development blog, MovedandShaken. com Her motto is, “Some People are Movers and Shakers; I am the Moved and the Shaken!”