Monsanto to run for President in 2020

This article is satirical in nature, and is in no way factual, but is for humouristic purposes only.

By Carrie Ratkevich , Guest writer

In a press conference Tuesday, Monsanto announced that it would seek the presiden­tial nomination for the Democratic Party in 2020, said Sherry Sanderson, public relations representative.

The decision came after last month’s court decision, McCutcheon Et Al. VS. Federal Election Commission, that cleared the way for unlimited campaign contributions, she said.

“Instead of having to donate to the most likely candidate, we can simply put our money behind our own campaign,” Sanderson said.

According to the Supreme Court, corpora­tions have the same natural rights as any other person. This has been decided upon numerous times since 1819 and the Trustees of Dartmouth College VS. Woodward which created the precedent.

“This will be a huge step forward in the area of corporate rights which have been largely ignored compared to other minorities,” said Sanderson.

Activist Al Sharpton called the announce­ment a farce and a travesty of justice.

“Having a corporation as a president is just another group of old white men doing what one used to do,” he said.

Critics on the republican side expressed concerns also.

Sean Hannity of Hannity’s America said that he was unsure America was ready for such a ground breaking move because it would be a chance for both white and black men to sit and lead the country at the same time.

“Monsanto’s company is made up of hun­dreds of employees and investors. More people will have a direct say in the government,” he said.

The government would be run directly by the Board of Directors, so cabinet posts would not be necessary; thus saving the American people millions in salaries.

The Board will be splitting the presidential salary, said Sanderson.

“The burden on the average American would actually be smaller,” she said.

This morning Wal-Mart announced it was also considering the idea of running on the Republican ticket with Walgreens as a potential Vice President, but was still working out the details, said Matthew Mars, Executive President of Wal-Mart.

“2020 promises to be an interesting election year,” he said.

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