This article is satirical in nature, and is in no way factual, but is for humouristic purposes only.
By Carrie Ratkevich , Guest writer
In a press conference Tuesday, Monsanto announced that it would seek the presidential nomination for the Democratic Party in 2020, said Sherry Sanderson, public relations representative.
The decision came after last month’s court decision, McCutcheon Et Al. VS. Federal Election Commission, that cleared the way for unlimited campaign contributions, she said.
“Instead of having to donate to the most likely candidate, we can simply put our money behind our own campaign,” Sanderson said.
According to the Supreme Court, corporations have the same natural rights as any other person. This has been decided upon numerous times since 1819 and the Trustees of Dartmouth College VS. Woodward which created the precedent.
“This will be a huge step forward in the area of corporate rights which have been largely ignored compared to other minorities,” said Sanderson.
Activist Al Sharpton called the announcement a farce and a travesty of justice.
“Having a corporation as a president is just another group of old white men doing what one used to do,” he said.
Critics on the republican side expressed concerns also.
Sean Hannity of Hannity’s America said that he was unsure America was ready for such a ground breaking move because it would be a chance for both white and black men to sit and lead the country at the same time.
“Monsanto’s company is made up of hundreds of employees and investors. More people will have a direct say in the government,” he said.
The government would be run directly by the Board of Directors, so cabinet posts would not be necessary; thus saving the American people millions in salaries.
The Board will be splitting the presidential salary, said Sanderson.
“The burden on the average American would actually be smaller,” she said.
This morning Wal-Mart announced it was also considering the idea of running on the Republican ticket with Walgreens as a potential Vice President, but was still working out the details, said Matthew Mars, Executive President of Wal-Mart.
“2020 promises to be an interesting election year,” he said.
This article is satirical in nature, and is in no way factual, but is for humoristic purposes only.
By Carrie Ratkevich, Guest writer
As the prisoner cart creaks slowly through the stone-cobbled streets of Paris, I think back on all that has been stolen from me.
I was beautiful once; the queen of the most powerful country in the world. My king lost his head eight months ago.
My children were ripped from me and my oldest son tortured.
Even my dignity was stolen with a charge of incest. I have reached the square.
The metallic smell of blood is as thick as the crowd that cheers at my disgrace. I dismount my shameful carriage into a barrage of insults and rotten fruit.
They would love to see me hang my head in dishonor but I will not. I will die as I was born, with my head held high.
As I ascend the platform, slick with the blood of traitors both real and imagined, I am almost relieved because I will soon join my beloved in eternity.
While they strap me to the National Razor, I smile and whisper softly, “Let them eat their own.”
The Executive Council of Students has begun its annual election process this July and its current members who are now running for office have proven to be a capable group of folks promising that, no matter the outcome, the voice of the student body will be represented properly and efficiently, said President of ECOS and Criminal Justice major Carrie Ratkevich.
Ratkevich said four nominees have been chosen for the election which is scheduled for July 11, and that she is satisfied with the candidates because she knows that they are each qualified and driven to do what is best for the student body of CNM.
“I am really happy to see that the members we have do care about things that are going on and they do understand the amount of effort that will have to be put in. Regardless who wins, I will be satisfied knowing that,” she said.
The four nominees each have different plans and ideas for what they would like to see happen during their time in office, yet Ratkevich is also confident that each of them understands the main purpose and goal of ECOS and are driven to pursue that goal, which is a promising prospect, she said.
“I think they are all serious and they have different viewpoints so it is really going to push them further into doing things that are the most good for the most students and as long as they have the students in mind, I think everything is going to be perfect,” she said.
The election process, Ratkevich said involves nominating members at least a week before the actual election and only official ECOS members are allowed to be elected and vote.
The people who are nominated are required to have a mission statement and answer any questions that the members feel are important, she said.
Ratkevich said that the election process is taken very seriously because ECOS holds a lot of responsibility as the representation of the students’ voice, and that means electing officers who are fit for the job.
“It should be an important thing on campus for us to be able to invoke positive changes for the student body with the administration, so it is important that we take this job seriously, thus elections are important. There is a lot of work you have to do so it is important that you have a good solid officer too,” she said.
The people who get elected will not take office until the beginning of the fall semester, so the time between the election and then will ensure that new officers learn everything that is needed to get a running start in the fall, she said.
Any student can become a member of ECOS by having a GPA of at least 2.5, two letters of recommendation from staff or faculty, and by filling out an application from the ECOS office located at Main Campus, Ratkevich said.
Ratkevich said she looks forward to seeing who wins the elections and knows that ECOS and the student body will be in good hands no matter what the outcome will be in the fall.
“We do not serve anybody but the students. That is our purpose here and I think all of them know that and take that job seriously,” she said.
Thomas Saunders, Running for Administrative Officer and Communications Officer of ECOS
Welding major, Thomas Saunders is running for Administrative Officer and Communications Officer, he said.
Saunders would like to become an officer of ECOS who represents the voice of the other trades students such as himself, he said.
“What I bring to the table is I am obviously a trade student, so I am more of a blue collar voice of the group. I would like to represent all the trade students—all the welders, the machiners, the carpenter, and be their voice,” Saunders said.
Saunders said when he becomes the Administrative Officer he will be willing to do everything and anything that ECOS needs him to do and is confident that he will serve to the best of his ability, he said.
Saunders has been a member for less than a month and said he is greatly qualified for the position as administrative officer because he is experienced and skilled with administrative work such as making purchase orders and event requests.
He is also running for communications officer because he said that student issues and communication with the school are a priority to ECOS, just as he is passionate about opening a dialogue where students can feel free and comfortable to address their concerns.
Saunders understands that ECOS is the “echoed voice of the students” and he originally joined the organization because he wanted to make sure that his fellow trades students’ voices were being heard and put into consideration, Saunders said.
He sees becoming communications officer as a great chance to seek the thoughts of the students at CNM, he said.
“Ask them (the students) ‘hey what do you think about the school, what do you think could be better, and what do you think about your teachers?’ Start hearing their voices because I know a lot of students, particularly in the welding program complain left and right about this and that, and sometimes their voices are not heard, so that is kind of what I want to be for them,” Saunders said.
Saunders’ currently has one main desire for bettering the school and that is for communication to become something that is improved upon, he said.
Saunders said he sees a lot of communication issues, especially in the trades departments where teachers and students do not communicate well, or where students are afraid to confront certain issues involving instructors or safety violations.
“I want to see more communications open up and see more friendly ground in the trades department because it is everybody versus everybody, and it should not be like that. We should all work together one way or another,” Saunders said.
Ana Martinez, Running for President and Vice President of ECOS.
Psychology major, Ana Martinez said she is running for President and Vice President of ECOS.
She has been a member of ECOS for more than 2 years and said she believes that her lengthy involvement has given her the experience needed to become a leader for the organization.
“I would want to be president because I think that with ECOS we can do a lot of things. So, what I want to do is push a little more and be able to accomplish every idea,” she said.
Martinez has also had experience with the responsibilities as Vice President and Treasurer and has helped with many presidential responsibilities, she said.
“Vice president is something that I have been doing for this last term, so I know how to do it, I know what to do, and I know the responsibilities of the position,” she said.
One idea that Martinez is very passionate about is to create a spring fling during the spring semester so that students can take a break after their midterms, she said.
Martinez envisions the spring fling as a carnival-like setup that could also allow the possibility for different student organizations to have a chance to have their own fundraisers during the event, she said.
“I would like to see the spring fling so students could get some relief after the midterms. Right now we are talking about the idea and thinking about it but next term I am really going to push it and talk about details,” Martinez said.
Martinez said that her experience with ECOS has showed her all of the ins and outs of being an officer in the organization and she believes she has learned how to handle the many responsibilities of being a leader with the organization, she said.
“I have seen three presidents with all the responsibilities they are doing and all the stress that they have and I think I can handle it now better than the previous terms,” Martinez said.
Phillip Cox, Running for President and Vice President
Criminal Psychology major, Phillip Cox is also running for President and Vice President and said he sees being elected as an opportunity to better the circumstances of the CNM’s student body, which has always been something he cares about as a student.
“I definitely care about the livelihood of the students at CNM. It has always been something that, as a student, I have always had an interest in and I really want to make sure that the interests of the students are being represented at the higher levels of our particular college,” he said.
Cox said that if he made office, his first goal would be to get more attention focused on student government so that more students can take advantage of the great things ECOS can do for them.
“The first thing I plan to do in office is to bring more awareness to student government.
ECOS has a lot of power before authority and I want students to become a part of it,” he said.
Cox is currently serving as the Administrative Officer of ECOS, which involves getting correspondents’ contributions for events and fundraisers, and keeping tabs on officers by making sure that they keep up with attendance and essential paperwork, he said.
Cox said that though he has had a lot of experience in politics as far as student government is involved, what he believes is more important is his desire to make sure that the voice of students is loud enough to be heard by the right people, he said.
“I think that people voting for me will definitely provide them with a much louder voice in school. I definitely want them to feel as though, if they have issues, talking to me as their president, they know it will get addressed in some way, shape or form,” Cox said.
Cox believes that the most important responsibility as a leader in ECOS is to be a representative to the students and to make use of every option available to reach out to them, he said.
“It is finding out exactly how the students feel about policies, their situations or whatever is going on in campus and making sure it is represented to the leadership of the school. That is my primary responsibility,” Cox said.
By Jonathan Baca, Copy Editor
The Student Allocation Board has now been combined with the Executive Council of Students this semester, and some participants are having mixed feelings about how this occurred, especially since a new Event Coordinator administrative position has been created that will be paid for with student organization funding.
James Roach, Liberal Arts major and former head of the Student Allocations Board said he has resigned as SAB President, in protest of the creation of a new Events Coordinator position that will be paid for using funds set aside for student clubs and organizations.
The new position was approved for 5 years, and will cost between $235,000 and $305,900 total, after benefits are added, according to the official request for the position.
This could drain the entire surplus that has accumulated in the Student Allocations fund, which was created by the Governing Board in order to pay for trips, events and other expenses of student clubs and organizations, Roach said.
“This was a very big decision and we were given absolutely no time whatsoever to really discuss it and go over the full details of it,” Roach said.
Criminal Justice major and new ECOS President, Carrie Ratkevich said that in her judgment, approving the position was the best thing for the student body, and she believes that the way the vote to create this events coordinator position was conducted in a completely valid way.
“It was not pushed through, it was not overly fast. It was time sensitive and we needed to get this done and submitted before these timelines. We were not coaxed into making a decision, we were each told to make our own decision. We are adults, we are not children,” Ratkevich said.
On March 20, during spring break, Kristofer Gaussoin, Director of Student Conduct and Responsibilities as well as advisor to ECOS and the Allocation Board, sent everyone in both groups an email describing the proposal, telling them that they had 48 hours to make up their minds and vote yes or no on the proposal, according to email exchanges provided by ECOS.
ECOS’ three members voted yes and Roach voted no, and the position was approved for five years, but both Roach and Ratkevich were under the impression that the new position was going to be for three years, they said.
Gaussoin said that everyone involved was given enough time and information to make an informed decision, and that the reason the vote needed to be done so quickly was that the Office of the Dean of Students wanted to begin advertising the position over the summer and have someone hired by the fall.
“It was a ‘strike while the iron was hot’ moment. There was an opportunity to do something great, and it’s unfortunate that it was spring break, but everybody responded to their emails. It’s unfortunate that it had to be quick, but I don’t think the quality of the decision making was harmed by that,” Gaussoin said.
The primary duties of the new event coordinator position would be to “design and implement community engagement projects through which students at CNM can participate to improve their academic learning, job skill development, leadership and civic engagement,” with a primary focus on student clubs and organizations, according to the request.
The request was made by the Office of the Dean of Students, and the employee hired to fill the position will report directly to them, according to the official request for the position.
The Allocation Board was created to oversee and distribute student funds, which come from fees that every CNM student pays as part of tuition. Roach has been the only member of the Board for some time, despite efforts to recruit new members, he said.
Normally, Roach would have been the only person with the power to approve or reject the proposal, but because the Allocation Board was so short-staffed, he had agreed to fuse the Board with student government, the ECOS, he said.
“I was against it, mainly because I don’t feel that student funds should be used to hire faculty or administration,” Roach said.
Roach said he suggested postponing the vote until April 4, when ECOS and the Allocation Board would be officially combined, giving him time to bring the ECOS members up to speed on the details of how the Allocation Board operated.
Roach said he feels that the groups should have had much more time, so they could meet in person and discuss the details of the proposal without the pressure to make a quick decision.
He said that he was never told why this particular vote had to be done so fast, or why it could not wait until after spring break, when the groups could have an official quorum.
“I was told we only have 48 hours to make a decision, which seems really fishy to me because in the past there have been provisions that took months upon months to get done,” Roach said.
According to the official proposal, the Event Coordinator will report directly to the Dean of Students, even though the salary is paid out of the Allocation fund.
This greatly limits the amount of oversight the student government would have over that student money, Roach said.
The Allocation Board will now be run by ECOS, as a separate process of their regular meetings, and to avoid a conflict of interest, ECOS will not be in charge of allocating their own funds, Ratkevich said.
He also pointed out that this was the first time the ECOS members had ever been involved in the Allocation Board process, and that the amount of money being considered was enormous compared to most proposals.
Roach resigned shortly after the vote, because he felt that the way in which the decision was reached was unethical, he said.
Another concern is that part of the job of the Allocation Board is to make sure that the money they give out is being spent in the appropriate manner, Roach said.
Now that ECOS has full control over the Allocation process, there could be concerns about possible conflicts of interest when deciding how much funding other student organizations will receive, but Gaussoin said there are measures in place to keep the group accountable.
If any member has a possible conflict of interest when dealing with a certain group or proposal, they are expected to let the other members know, and to remove themselves from the vote in question, he said.
Gaussoin said he will also be working with ECOS over the summer to revise the rules and guidelines of the Allocation process, to better address the specifics of how ECOS does business.
Gaussoin said he is confident that the new Event Coordinator will help to increase student involvement outside the classroom, which has been shown to improve GPAs and graduation rates.
Gaussoin said that after the five years is up, the administration will see how valuable the position is, and will decide to continue paying for it with general funds, he said.
“I would hope at that point it would never go away again, because I think it will only do great things for CNM,” Gaussoin said.
By Angela Le Quieu, Staff Reporter | Photo by Angela Le Quieu
The Executive Council of Students wants to introduce themselves to the student body at CNM, and inform students about their group, including what they will bring to the school at the upcoming ECOS night, said Carrie Ratkevich, Criminal Justice major and President of ECOS.
ECOS plans to host a meet and greet type function on Friday, April 11 at 5p.m. in the Richard Barr room at the Student Resources Center, she said.
“We are going to have free food, pizza, who doesn’t love free food right,” Ratkevich said.
The purpose of ECOS night is to give students a forum to speak with the student council about any concerns they might have at school, to develop relationships with the administration, and to give students, who may be interested in student government, a chance to find out more about the organization, Ratkevich said.
Phillip Cox, Criminology major and Administrative Officer said that the evening will help to give a face to the student representatives, and to give people more exposer to what the CNM student government does.
“I think ECOS is under appreciated, I don’t think a lot of students know exactly what ECOS has to offer,” Cox said.
Ratkevich said that many students do not realize that CNM has a student government, and the event on April 11 is one of the things that ECOS is doing to change all that.
The student government has worked in many ways to better CNM and the surrounding community, Ratkevich said.
Projects that ECOS has worked on include safety walks around campus to identify things like trip hazards and areas with lighting issues, and also helped to change where motorcycle parking was in the PPD lot after many fender benders occurred last year, because of poles installed around the previous parking area, she said.
Ratkevich said that they organized the CNMunity Day in the 2013 spring semester, in which several clubs volunteered at local non-profits around Albuquerque.
“I know some people went out to the farm and had to clean up whatever, they had to plant plants, water plants, or they helped organize the Re-store. So just different things that make people feel good about us and make us feel good about our community,” Ratkevich said.
The work that ECOS does for the community is the main reason why Ana Martinez, Psychology major and Budget Officer, joined the group, she said.
Martinez said that ECOS has been an opportunity for her to give back to her community here in Albuquerque, just how she had also given back to her community in Mexico.
“I like this, because it’s my way to help the students,” Martinez said.
Cox said that he joined to help reach out to students because an active student government can help change things for the benefit of the students.
“So our primary thing right now is to improve membership; because once we have more members we’ll have the strength to go out and really do some really wonderful things for this community, make some very positive changes,” Ratkevich said.
Currently the membership in ECOS is low and the group hopes to get more members by informing students about their organization, and by adding incentives beyond the $100 scholarship for active members, Cox said.
There are requirements for joining ECOS such as an application, being voted into the group, as well as a 2.5 GPA requirement, and there is also a limit of 15 members, Ratkevich said.
“But it’s the satisfaction you get from just helping your fellow students, that you can’t really replicate with any other organization on campus,” Cox said.
Students interested in ECOS can attend the event on April 11 or students can go to one of the groups meetings, which are regularly held on Fridays at 4 p.m. in the portables at room ST-12A, and Ratkevich said the meetings are open to all students who wish to speak or inquire about the student council.
Thanks to everyone who sent in photos for our contest, and to all who voted for their favorite one on our Facebook page. Congratulations to our winning photo by Calvin Burgstahler, and the runners up, Calvin Burgstahler and Carrie Ratkevich. Keep shooting, shutterbugs!
The 2014 CNM Chronicle photo contest’s winning photo by Calvin Burgstahler, with a total of nine ‘likes’ on The CNM Chroncle Facebook.Photo by Calvin Burgstahler Facebook likes : 6Photo by Carrie Ratkevich Facebook likes : 5Photo by Carrie Ratkevich Facebook likes : 5
